In 2013 I discovered that my employers had me under surveillance in an attempt to disprove my disability caused by an injury at work.   One of the repercussions of this made me feel like my every move was being watched, which, in turn, made me feel reclusive and anxiety ridden. From this experience, my main aim in this project is to express my anxiety, through a series of photographs.   

 

I was served with a summons and footage of myself being followed, this tore my life apart, it destroyed my confidence and trust in my colleagues and people in general.  I felt violated by whom I felt was my family, as I had given 17 years of my life to them. 

 

Through a series of images of windows and doors, I would like to document the adversity, fear and difficulties I face in day to day life when leaving my home and just walking through the front door into the outside world. 

 

Fear of the unknown behind a door, missed opportunities, isolation, losing a connection with the outside world and my support network.  The feelings of shock take their toll, then pain and sorrow follows.

 

My safe place is to stay at home or if feeling brave inside my car, and to just stare out of the window and try to make sense of what has happened, the changed person that I’ve become.  Watching the outside world and imagining feeling safe and being happy in it.  The view I have from my window is a wide landscape of the area I served in, was injured in and was followed in.   

 

The images will reflect the haunting difficulty in overcoming barriers and then picking up the pieces and building a new life.  The anticipation of succeeding and then being stripped bare and humiliated again.   I would also like to document happiness and success through some of the images to encourage bravery and to face challenges, stepping forward to the unknown, taking that risk and being rewarded.   My Images hopefully will show dramatic lighting, architectural beauty, textural qualities, deterioration, decay, ruin, shadows to express feelings of captivity, fear, then strength, growth and freedom.  

 

My camera is my window, when I go outside to photograph what I see, I feel safer with my camera, my images are a clearer vision of what I can explain with words.  Making and taking images is my therapy, a reason to explore new territory, it challenges me and unlocks doors that I would usually avoid going through.

 

My aim is to express my journey of anxiety and coping strategies through photography. 

 

The light I see and use in my photography is my energy to push through and create images that inspire me and hopefully inspire the viewer.